Questioning Reality: When ‘Happiness’ Comes with a Warning

I feel good. Not in a James Brown kinda way, just "good". I am content with life at the moment, feeling inspired to be creative in a variety of ways and enjoying my own company. This is the first time in many years -- so many I have lost count -- that I have felt this way. Because I have had the diagnosis of "schizoaffective disorder" offered to me and have experienced five separate episodes of psychosis, as well as long depressive patches too numerous to count, this feels foreign. Here I am, cruising along thinking "things are pretty [...]

By |2022-05-14T06:30:04+10:00November 15th, 2021|Recovery|0 Comments

What is it like to be in ‘psychosis’?

As I thought of updating this page after nearly a year has passed, I went to retrieve my laptop and as I stood up, a small feather floated to the ground in front of me. If that isn't synchronicity, then I don't know what is. I can think of a few choice words to describe what is medically known as a “psychotic state”. So I’ll skip those and use one: FRIGHTENING. There are also words like “dreamlike”, “surreal” and “euphoric” that go some way to describe it, however, these alone don’t really cut it. Frightening I thought I was going [...]

By |2021-02-14T08:27:30+10:00February 11th, 2021|Psychosis|0 Comments

Psych Wards: Episode One

I was 21 years old, 25 years ago when this photo was taken. It was a selfie (back before that was even a thing and digital photography) that I took whilst in the recovery process of a psychotic episode in 1994. I think at this point I had stopped taking the meds (Stellazine and/or Melaril) which were pretty heavy duty at the time but rarely get used now. First generation antipsychotics. I had spent 6-weeks in a psych ward and got out perhaps a couple of weeks prior. I think I look and know I felt very lost at the [...]

By |2021-02-12T08:30:18+10:00July 12th, 2020|Psychosis|2 Comments
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